There was a time when people relied on their ministers to help them through adversity. Nowadays, they’re calling upon a life coach.
By Jennifer McPhee
She was 36 when she started seeing certified life coach Helen Tsotsos. Yvonne (not her real name) was at the lowest point of her life. She was unemployed, a four-year-long relationship had ended, and she was constantly battling with her family. Eight months of weekly coaching sessions later, she had landed a great job, was back in her relationship, and was no longer letting her family push her buttons. Taking small steps and feeling accountable to someone else did the trick, she says. “There was no punishment if I didn’t do it, but promising it to myself wasn’t motivating enough.”
The life coaching industry has grown rapidly since it first emerged as a trendy new profession in the early 1990s. The International Coach Federation formed in 1995 and by 1999 had 2,122 members in the United States. Today, the organization boasts more than 17,400 members in more than 95 countries. Unlike therapists, these Oprah-endorsed professionals don’t diagnose or delve deep into the past. They operate more like upbeat guides or personal cheerleaders who help people determine and achieve life goals. “It’s not about seeing the client as broken,” says Jeannie Campanelli, a life coach from the Niagara Falls, Ont., area. “It’s about seeing them as brilliant and gifted and resourceful and bringing that forward through questions rather than advice.”
People turn to life coaches for all sorts of reasons. Many seek balance in their working and non-working lives, better relationships, a more fulfilling career or the motivation to exercise. But it’s also common for people to seek out life coaching because they hope to discover what’s missing in their otherwise pretty good lives, she says.
Still, the phrase “life coach” can provoke groans and eye rolling. Is this just another silly, self-indulgent fad or is something deeper going on?
Part of the answer lies in the increasing secularization of our culture, says Margo Husby, a senior instructor in the communications and culture department of the University of Calgary. Life coaching is the culture’s way of seeking the direction and support we used to find in religion or government.
“There’s a real sort of distrust of both government and religion,” she says. “And so we are trying to figure out ways to perhaps look more inside ourselves. But we still need direction in how to do that. That’s where the life coach comes in.”
Life coaches help people find direction without all the “heavy stuff” associated with organized religion, she continues. They don’t tell people how to live or require adherence to a set of rules. Instead, they ask questions designed to help clients better understand themselves and find their own way. “They’re not trying to force anybody into a little box,” says Husby. “They’re not trying to make anybody do anything their way or the right way.”
Our culture is shedding the notion that asking for help is a sign of weakness, says Toronto life coach Bruno LoGreco. “As we evolve, people are actually becoming more vulnerable and showing more of their true colours,” he says. “They realize they need support, they need help, and they are turning to life coaches for that support. It’s okay to ask for help now.”
Not that long ago, the values and culture we needed to grasp were quite homogenous, says Ottawa certified business coach Pauline Fleming. But today, most people don’t have a clear sense of their own values, never mind the values of the person sitting in the next cubicle. Life coaching, says Fleming, eliminates some of this confusion by helping people understand their core values and broaden their outlook to include the way others see the world.
And it’s convenient. Since coaching sessions can take place by phone (usually costing about $150 per hour), there’s no need to dress up, drive anywhere, pay for parking or hire a babysitter. “It deals with distance, I think, a little bit better than the local church,” says Husby. “If I’m Catholic, I can’t phone up (a priest) and go to confession over the phone. I need to be in his physical presence, whereas I could phone my life coach and say, ‘We’ve got an hour, let’s work this through.’”
Two years ago, Nancy Santos, 32, of London, Ont., began coaching sessions because she wanted help staying positive in a stressful work environment. Her life coach helped connect her work problems to her troubled relationship with her manager. Then, she helped Santos see that her own core values — loyalty, hard work, honesty and accountability — were vastly different from her manager’s. “My expectations changed because my perspective changed,” Santos explains. “The issues were still the same, but they didn’t affect me the same way anymore. . . . It helped me to understand that [my manager is] not a bad person who shouldn’t be doing the job.”
Life coaching client Vivian Cannatara. Photo by Merle Robillard
Before working with a life coach, Vivian Cannatara’s business finances were a mess because she constantly put off paying her bills. Coach Jeanne Campanelli helped her recognize and address the underlying reasons for her procrastination — a lack of self-worth. Cannatara quickly got her financial act together, and they moved on to other issues. “When you’re standing in the middle of something that just seems so overwhelming . . . it’s very difficult for you to see a way out,” says Cannatara, 40, of Toronto. “Jeannie helps widen the scope so you are able to see the big picture. And she is does so in a manner that is never shaming, threatening or judgmental.”
However, not everyone wants secular answers to life’s challenges. Many people still long for faith-based support to see them through their darkest hours. Debbie Long of Mississauga, Ont., is a spiritual life coach and “Reverend of spiritual consciousness” who trained for two years at the Inner Visions Institute of Spiritual Development in Maryland. “My experience has been that the people who come to me specifically for spiritual life coaching are not presently participating in church,” she says. “Usually, if you are associated with a church or religious organization, you do get your support there.”
It’s not that her clients reject religion, she says. Often it’s because “other things take priority over being fed spiritually.”
The coaching profession may be thriving while church pews are emptying, but it’s also coming under fire for being unregulated. Literally anyone can hang out a shingle or take a weekend workshop and claim to be qualified. Coaches can apply for certification from several different organizations, but it’s not a requirement.
The International Coach Federation certifies coaches after they complete 125 hours of training at an ICF-accredited school, then demonstrate a level of proficiency in coaching and agree to adhere to an ethical code of conduct. The ICF also awards three higher levels of accreditation, when members have logged 100, 750 and 2,500 hours of coaching. To date, the ICF has certified 5,000 coaches.
An independent review board also receives complaints and can revoke a coach’s ICF membership and certification. However, the ICF can’t stop wayward coaches from practising, and it holds no sway over non-members.
People who help others find direction can be dangerous if they don’t have a strong sense of inner direction themselves and practise in an unregulated profession, argues Husby. “And when it comes to spiritual life coaches, I am concerned about those because I’ve seen too many people get screwed up by some wing nut who doesn’t have accountability to anybody besides themselves.
“But by the same token, I understand where people are coming from. It’s hard to find somebody who will talk about the spiritual aspects of life without looking at you and rolling their eyes. . . . So finding someone who can help us to explore those pieces of ourselves in a neutral and non-judgmental manner, that’s pretty wonderful. People would be hungry for that.”
